Monday, June 4, 2007

On Introspection and the Trains

Sunday is train day.

We sit, crammed into the overheated and sometimes clean metal tubes, which cut paths throughout the nation, on our way home from a weekend packed full of togetherness. Bleary-eyed from the lack of sleep and sometimes queasy from the incessant rocking, the train can be a great inspiration for introspection.

I know that introspection is not very interesting for others to read, but as my time shortens my brain is frantically trying to discover what I have achieved over the last 5 months. Have I changed? Have I helped someone? Was it worth it?
This weekend was an eye-opener. I embarrassed myself in front of 20 of my CETP colleagues and their friends. I wish I had not done that.
I was asked by a friend of a friend "Do you see your time in Hungary as real life, or as a buffer?" This question keeps playing over in my head. I wonder what is "real life". How is it defined? Is it when you are working the daily grind and working towards set goals, or is it a string of a million moments all connected by a tangled web of our actions? I don't know, but I think that I will spend a lifetime trying to find out.
This was also a strange weekend, because I met many of the CETP people, who I had heard stories about. At the end of the weekend no phone numbers were exchanged, and no half formed plans were made, it was a familiarly terse "Good luck with your life, It was nice to have met you" and we stepped out of one another's stories.

This is a somewhat depressing post, so I will finish with another not to Clare of 3BT :

Being linked by Clare of 3BT. Her site has reminded me to appreciate the little things.
A friend defending you against gossip.
Receiving Boxes of Chocolates from students on Teacher-day.
A message from a friend you haven't heard from in a while.
Mail with Moose stickers in it.
The school getting re-plastered and painted, so it already looks nicer than when I came.
Having someone like the ATC that you were not sure about.

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